[Pawlu]

​

The Eastern Highway is a long stretch of roads from Highway 17 all the way to Mongolia, cutting right through the Middle Eastern Anarchy Zone. The road is used by many individuals; most based travelers are usually resistance members, ventures, and scavengers. Sometimes even the Combine is seen utilizing this long speck of a highway. The journey is a long and dangerous one. Antlions will occasionally nest near the road and attack any who goes near them. The highway also has a fair share of landmarks, one of them being the "Red October Station" it was once an old Petrol Station, now it's a small radio station that broadcasts patriotic Soviet tunes of the 20th century.

The Resistance​

An important thing to note is that the road is not a highway but rather a series of roads all connected. As said, the highway is used by many, yet one user of this road is the Resistance, specifically a small detachment of Soviet Reclamators stationed here. Their main plans are to get a grip on the highway because if they can get their hands on it they could have tight control over transport since there aren't many stable passages from Europe to Asia other than the much deadlier journey in Siberia. The highway serves as a good way of transporting Supplies and for that reason, The Soviet Reclamators have used this to their advantage by being able to control the highway they can tax anyone who comes in. Old Toll booths from the 80s are common, now repurposed by the Soviet Reclamators forces as a form of a checkpoint.

Antlions​

As said, Antlions will occasionally nest near the road however, there is one nest the largest out there, home to an abomination known as the Antlion King. The nest itself was an old quarry from Soviet times now it's a large antlion nesting ground. The Antlion King itself looks like an oversized Grub with antlion legs and it has something a shell similar to that of an Antlion Guard. The King lives at the bottom level of the quarry. It is guarded by an army of antlion guards that patrol the inside and outside the quarry. The Antlions have dug caves for more nesting space. Overall, the location is best not visiting with there being the Antlion equivalent of a monarch and his legion of guards…

​

The Combine​

As for the Combine, their presence doesn’t loom as much as the rest of the planet. They have established structures near the road whilst on a much smaller scale compared to others, one of the several unique structures established is a cargo holding site and in the Eurasian plains. The site's formal name is <::URAL-C3::> which serves as a temporary holding area for Combine supply on razor trains shipping to Europe and Asia. The most common kind of supplies transported are commercial goods, primarily food rations that are then distributed into cities. The location had been chosen there due to a very small population in the rural area. It would be quite challenging attempting to explore there as the flat plains have become a wet swampland with even some Xenian wildlife residing in the habitat. The compound is guarded by around 100 to 120 conscripts with the interior guarded by Transhuman Elites making infiltration no easy task by any means necessary.

Conclusion​

The highway is a long and dangerous one, yet people still use it to this day. It remains a mystery how they are operational. Some state that it's better to keep that question unanswered...

 

[Equinox]

The concept itself is fine. The issues I'm finding though are related to grammar and contextual info.

Overall, the grammar needs serious work. You are lacking punctuation throughout the submission and some parts have incorrect punctuation. Put it through a google doc, get someone who's willing to proofread it, something. The grammar alone is reason to turn this way.

Aside from this are a few iffy context bits:

a supply depot

Is it possibly to rename this to something else? In lore, "depot" is already a term that's used to label an extremely important type of building that, I personally believe, wouldn't belong out here, especially where there's no cities nearby. I recommend "Cargo Cache" however as it is a term officially recognized that COULD be out here, essentially being an emergency/temporary holding area for Combine supply on razor trains. You don't have to use that specifically, but I'd recommend it.

Depot is guarded by a few 120 or so Conscripts and even a few OTA stationed inside.

I personally don't have an issue with this, but I'll leave it up to RAD-X.

@Imperator RAD-X Pointing this out to you as with all lore posts.

 

[Pawlu]

The concept itself is fine. The issues I'm finding though are related to grammar and contextual info.

Overall, the grammar needs serious work. You are lacking punctuation throughout the submission and some parts have incorrect punctuation. Put it through a google doc, get someone who's willing to proofread it, something. The grammar alone is reason to turn this way.

Who do you think would be willing to proofread it as I can't list anyone other than Kawa and I'm pretty sure they have gone complete radio silent

 

[Equinox]

Who do you think would be willing to proofread it as I can't list anyone other than Kawa and I'm pretty sure they have gone complete radio silent

I'm not sure. Not to sound rude, but I'm not the one to turn towards for finding a proofreader for you. I can't just point at people and say "they'll proofread it for you."

 

[Pawlu]

I'm not sure. Not to sound rude, but I'm not the one to turn towards for finding a proofreader for you. I can't just point at people and say "they'll proofread it for you."

In that case I might ask RAD or perhaps Robert

 

[Pawlu]

EDIT: I have done a much-needed revision on not only grammar but also lore, grammar issues have been fixed (at least most of them). Lore wise I have taken into consideration Equinox's suggestion, other things would include the renaming of the CCCP to the "Soviet Reclamators" and changing the route so that rather than it starting in Georgia to it now starting in Highway 17.

 

[Imperator RAD-X]

I get your premise, though it feels this is addressed in a very "first person" manner. You should focus on writing in the third person - it kind of kills the mystique to what his highway really is. That's just a bit of a head's up. However, moving onto the more pressing concerns:

"The Soviet Reclamators have used this to their advantage by being able to control the highway they can tax anyone who comes in. Old Toll booths from the 80s are common, now repurposed by the Soviet Reclamators forces as a form of a checkpoint."

This seems weird. Little checkpoints in the middle of this highway while taxing anything and everything from people coming to and from seems counter-productive in this environment. Then again, we've seen this behaviour in Short Stories from this resistance faction before but it's digestable. Just putting out my opinion.

The Combine
As for the Combine, their presence doesn’t loom as much as the rest of the planet. They have established a few things near the road one of these things is a cargo cache and airbase in the Eurasian plains. The cache itself serves as a temporary holding area for Combine supply on razor trains, most of the supplies transported are commercial goods primarily food rations then distributed into cities. The location had been chosen there since not many people lived in that rural area and most of them were farmers who didn't have any combat training. Not only that it would be quite hard trying to get into there as the plains have slowly become a marshy swampland with even some Xenian creatures living the like The Ichthyosaur. Overall, the location is NOT recommended to go alone as it is guarded by a few 120 or so conscripts and even a few OTA stationed inside.

I feel this could have been far better written, Pawlu. It's very simple for something of this scale, especially for the Combine. To give some critique, the post merely points out the Combine's current establishments as "things" and it feels rather basic. Last but not least, a garrison of 120 armed men is the direct opposite of "few" in regards to the numbers Half Life likes to throw at us.

You have something good but I'll leave this open for the time being. The rest of the post is valid. Please fix your paragraph detailing the Combine to a reasonable standard. Thanks.

 

[Robert]

Has the above feedback had any actions since? @Pawlu

Waiting on you to make any requested changes.

PENDING

 

[Pawlu]

Has the above feedback had any actions since? @Pawlu

Waiting on you to make any requested changes.

PENDING

Hello Robert!
I have made some changes to the Combine paragraph, I'm deeply sorry for the very very very long delay. But I finally had some time off to edit it.

 

[Robert]

Seems okay now with the changes.

Will let @Imperator RAD-X comment

 

[Bennyfridge]

Seems okay now with the changes.

Will let @Imperator RAD-X comment

Where are the results Robert

 

[Robert]

Think I am just gonna accept this, all seems good now with Rad's comments addressed.

ACCEPTED - Legends & Rumors