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- Sep 17, 2019
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i've compiled all my retarded works into one post.
Cunny on His Dick
Civil Protection Nut Smackers
Vorticock Origins
Cunny on His Dick
To the server of Willard Networks, rode a minger one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't have too much to say
No one dared to ask his business,
no one dared to make a slip
For the minger there among 'em had a cunny on his dick
Cunny on his dick
It was early in the event when he logged in the server
He came dodging the ol range ban', slowly lookin' all around
"He's a pedo, loose and cunnin'", came a /whisper from each chat
"He's here to do some trollin with the cunny on his dick
Cunny on his dick"
In this server there lived an admin by the name of Lord RAD-X
Many minge had tried to troll him and that many minge were banned!
He was pious and a janny, but for free, he was a poor
And the users on his blacklist numbered one and nineteen more
One and nineteen more
Now the minger started talkin', made it plain to folks around
Was a Doctah Pepper Player, wouldn't be too long in server
He came there to troll an admin back alive or maybe dead
He said it didn't matter, he was after Lord RAD-X,
after Lord RAD-X
Wasn't long before this story was relayed to Lord RAD-X
But the admin didn't worry, trolls that tried before were banned!
Twenty trolls had tried to take him,
twenty trolls had no ‘PN
Twenty-one would be the Doctor with the cunny on his dick
Cunny on his dick
The event had passed so quickly, it was time for them to meet
It was twenty past eleven when they walked out in IC
Users were watchin' from their Discord,
every body held their breath
They knew this handsome Doctor was about to get banned to death.
About to get his ban.
There was forty alts between them when they stopped to make roleplay
And the swiftness of the Doctor is still talked about today
Lord RAD-X had not cleared chat bar for a DDOS fairly ripped
And the Doctor’s wife was sexy, with the cunny on his dick
Cunny on his dick
It was over in a moment and the users had gathered 'round
There before them lay the gaped hole of the admin on the ground
Oh, he might have gone on ‘playin' but he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Doctor with the cunny on his dick
Cunny on his dick
Cunnnyyyyy
Cunnnyyyyy
When he tried to match the Doctor with the cunny on his dick
Cunny on his diiiiick.
Civil Protection Nut Smackers
Overwatch Transgender ArmWhat if the Civil Protection had to smack your nuts with the stun baton? Omg. That'd be so scary and dark and immersive guys. Cause the Combine are like a cold heartless machine right so they want to instill fear. I think it would be very scary if the Civil Protection units had you face them and they just slammed your nuts with the stun baton. It would create lots of epic, immersive, scary roleplay and would really show how evil the Combine are. Like you are just walking down the street and a Combine Civil Protection unit of City 24 just shoves you to the ground by surprise and slams his electric stun baton into your balls. Imagine how painful and dark that'd be guys! They'd be so sore and swollen too. You'd have to waddle to the work shift after that. Sometimes you'd have to go to the CMU after and the nurse would have to touch your swollen red electrified balls, but she could call the Civil Protection because only anti-citizens get beat, and they'd just slap your nuts again! Very grimdark and tragic and fits Half Life 2 Roleplay perfectly. Like any unit could do it. It'd be so scary. Even a female civil protection unit could bust down your apartment door while you are asleep and order you to strip before smashing your poor little nuts with their stun baton. How would you cope with that mentally? Maybe she would like it? That'd be so sadistic and cruel if the CP unit, who was a girl, shock slammed your testicles in the middle of the night. It'd truly show how evil and terrible the Combine are. Like she'd probably feel really bad for bashing your tiny breen water'd nuts but after enough times having to fulfill her quota she'd probably laugh while doing it. Then she'd tell all her Civil Protection comrades who'd probably laugh at you cause you got your balls smashed! That'd be so embarrassing and cruel but would leave room for lots of character development! And then some loyalist would find out, and probably tell all the citizens, and then EVERYBODY is laughing..
Workshift Masturbation WarningIs that... LE HECKIN OGAHWATCH TRANSGENDER ARM?! OMG THEY ARE SO TACTICOOL AND CRAZY EPIC I HAVE THREE OTA CHARACTERS WITH DEEP BACKSTORIES THAT IVE SPENT FIFTY HOURS EACH ON AND YOU CAN SEE THEM ON THE FORUMS UNDER THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SECTION WHERE ITS IN LE HECKIN EPIC FORMATERINO SEE IT HAS A DATABASE LOOK AND EVERYTHING OKAY HE HATED REBELS CAUSE THEY KILLED HIS FAMILY SO HE JOINED CIVIL PROTECTION AND THEN... BECAME OVAHWATCH?! ITS SUCH A DEEP AND UNIQUE STORY YOU ALL YOU CAN REALLY SEE IT IN MY ROLEPLAY BTW AFTER ME AND MY FIVE FRIENDS FROM HIGHSCHOOL GOT DONE WITH OUR OTA MEETUP AFTER SCHOOL WE WENT AND STOOD AT THE HARDPOINT ON WILLARD NETWORKS GUARDING A NERDY ADMINISTRATOR FOR FIVE HOURS IT WAS SO HECKIN COOL AND EPIC LIKE I EVEN MADE A CITIZEN GET SCARED AND WALK AWAY SO IM THINKING THAT OTA REALLY ARE IMPACTFUL CAUSE THEY PROVIDE THE SPOOKY ENVIRONMENT OF THE COMBINE SO THEN A VORTIGAUNT (VIGGER XDXDXD) GOT FREED AND WE HAD TO GO CHASE IT DOWN SO WE PK'D LIKE 10 SHITIZENS (THEY WERE JUST STANDING AROUND TALKING???) IN THE SLUMS (HAIL COMBINE) AND THEN WE COULDN'T FIND THE VORT... BUT THEN WE ACTIVATED ARE HECKIN COOL VISOR, AND WE SAW THE VORTIGAUNT HIDING THROUGH A WALL AND WE TOTALLY SHOOOT HIM!!! VIGGER OWNED!!!!!!!!!!!! I ONCE ROLEPLAYED PATROLLING THE NEXUS FOR 10 HOURS ONCE THATS WHY OBERWATCH IS SO GOOD BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW TO PRACTICE PATIANCE LIKE YOU CANT SHOW ANY OTHER PLAYER WHO CAN DEDICATE TO THE HECKIN COOL TACTICOOL GRIND LIKE WE CAN OKAY? I'M NOT LIKE THOSE CIVIL PROTECTION UNITS, I KNOW HOW TO KILL PEOPLE AND I CAN TAKE ON THE BIGGEST REBELS HAHA I THINK THE FEM COP IS LOOKING AT ME? BUT MY CHARACTER DOESNT FEEL LOVE BECAUSE HE LOVES THE UNION ABOVE ALL ELSE... BUT THE MEMORIES... YES HE IS IN FACT HAVING- DREAMS OF HIS LIFE BEFORE THE COMBINE?! OH MY FUCKING BENEFACTORS I LOVE THE OTA! IF I WERE IN THE COMBINE CITY ID BECOME AN OTA UNIT IMMEDIATELY CAUSE LIKE, HUMANS ARE DUMB AND STUFF OKAY? AND WE WOULD HAIL THE BENEFACTORINOS!
Radical RebelsPlease DO NOT announce to the workshift when you are going to masturbate. This has been a reoccurring issue, and I’m not sure why some people have such under developed sociostability skills that they think that a factory full of mostly male workers would need to know that. No one is going to be impressed and give you a high five (especially considering where that hand has been). I don’t want to bring this up to the upper party, since it would be embarrassing for the administration to see that we have a problem with this, but it is going to be enforced as a rule from now on. If it occurs, you will be warned, then additional occurrences will be dealt with at the discretion of Civil Protection. Thanks.
EVENT SUGGESTION: REBELS WEARING SKATES AND RIDING ON SKATEBOARDS STROLL INTO PLAZA AND START DOING GNARLY TRICKS WHILE GUNNING DOWN CIVIL PROTECTION AND TAGGING UP THE BREEN STATUE. "TEKNOPATHETIC" PLAYS OVER THE ENTIRE SERVER AS OTA ARE DEPLOYED, BUT ARE MET WITH SHREDDING VORTIGAUNTS. THE REBELS WIN AND OTA/CP PLAYERS (NOT CHARACTERS) ARE FORCED INTO VC (DEWHITELIST OTHERWISE) SO EVERYONE CAN LAUGH AT THEM AND MAKE THEM CRY
Vorticock Origins
Willard Slampiggy Admin GFsIn order to unify and clear their minds of intrusive thoughts and urges, the Vortigaunt Grand Elder council decided upon their homeworld to remove the libido and sexual desire of the entire Vortigaunt species so that they may move to a more pure and refined reproduction process while also allowing much greater submersion into the Vortessence. So a massive ritual was held that flawlessly castrated and de-genderfied all vortigaunts. But this much libido energy could not simply be dispersed or else apocalypse would be brought upon the Vort homeworld. In secret, the Vortigaunt grand elders gathered all the Vortigaunt libido energy into one concentrated mass and locked it away. All was well until the Combine invaded and the Nihilanth species was utilized to take control of the Vortigaunts. The One we know as Nihilanth saw the great mass of pure sex and sought to create a warrior of incredible power to resist the Combine in his soon to begin resistance. With great power, the Nihilanth fused the Libido energy of the entire Vortigaunt race into a physical being known as Vorticock. Vorticock was a terror, and held back the entire Combine army by himself, raping and fucking femsynths while the Vortigaunt race and the Nihilanth fled to Xen. When the evacuation was done, Vorticock arrived. The Nihilanth tried to control Vorticock but found his alpha Chad energy to be way too much, and Vorticock fled to the outer reaches of Xen. For two hundred years Vorticock constantly terrorized the Nihilanth, mentally scarring him. This is why Nihilanth was constantly talking about one who will “deceive you” to Freeman because he knew Vorticock would do anything to get inside the human bussy. When the 7 Hour War occurred, humanity fell in 1 while the 6 other hours were spent attempting to stop an INCREDIBLY HORNY Vorticock from destroying them. They were successful in warding him off but nowhere close to killing him.
Now, Vorticock stalks the alley ways, swinging between buildings to prey on vulnerable femchars who “accidentally” wandered the streets at night. No femchars are safe as even femcops and femOTA seek out Vorticock for his overwhelming masculinity. Human men simply submit and kneel before his psychic Chad might and even fem administrators have been known to open their Nexus balconies to invite Vorticock into their gay nexus chambers.
Grand Strategy Autism[insert female member mentions here]
Are you girls?! PLEASE BE MY FUCKHOLE SLAMPIGGY GIRLFRIENDS! OMG PLEEEEAAAAAAAASE PLEASE PLEASE JUST BE MY HOT BITCHES I WANT AN ADMIN GF HAREM SO BAD PLEASE THATS MY 2022 NEW YEARS RESOLUTION IS TO NOT HAVE A LACK OF ADMIN GF BITCH HOES I PROMISE ILL BE A GOOD ALPHA CHAD WOLF PLEAAAAAAASE I SWEAR I WONT SAY THE N WORD ON WILLARD NETWORKS EVER AGAIN AND ILL EVEN STOP BEING A VORTIGAUNT RAPE RPER IN PRIVATE DMS OF ALL OTA AND CP PLAYERS JUST PLEASE BY MY WIVES OMG OMG YOU HAVE TO LET ME FUCK YOU NOW YOU HAVE TO YOU HAVE TO YOU HAVE TO YOU HAVE TO PLS BE MY GIRLY FRIEND OMG OOHAGGGGHHHHHH OAAAAAGGGGHHHHH PLEASE PLEASE IM SO LONELY AND I SWEAR I WONT PUNCH YOU GIRLS IN THE NOSE AT THE FIRST WILLARDCON OH MY GOD I WONT EVEN CALL YOU JANNIES ANYMORE PLS PLS PLS YOU FUCKING BITCH WHORES ANSWER ME AND ACCEPT THIS WONDERFUL OFFER NOOOOOOOOOWWEW
Military Aesthetic Fashwave BalticsOMG SO BASICALLY I DID THIS ALTERNATE TIMELINE THING WHERE I PLAYED GERMANY BUT INSTEAD I TURNED EVERYONE INTO A DEMOCRACY AND THEN I SENT 56392 TROOPS TO CONQUER INDIA INSTEAD OF FRANCE NOW GET THIS RUSSIA ACTUALLY CAME TO MY SIDE CAUSE OF MY DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS AND THEN I POSTED MY SCREENSHOTS OF IT TO MY FRIENDS BUT NOBODY RESPONDED CAUSE I DONT THINK THEY WERE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND AND THEN I WENT TO MY LOCAL RABBI AND HE SAID TO PURCHASE THE DLCS SO I DID AND I TURNED GERMANY INTO NEW INDIA EMPIRE HAHA ISNT THIS SO FUCKING CLEVER AND INTELLIGENT?
No More Reddit GoldDID YOU JUST INSULT BRAZIL?!? OMG EPIC FASHWAVE MILITARY VIDEO INCOMING!!! GUYS HAHA GET IT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS PORN BUT NOW YOU MUST SERVE LE EPIC CUNTRY YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT XDXD !!! RUSSIA ESTONIA BULGARIA POLAND SOMALIA!!! GUYS I SAID THE COUNTRIES!!! OMG! I SAID THE EPIC COUNTRY NOBODY CARES ABOUT!!! EVERYBODY START LAUGHING GUYS EVERYBODY LAUGH! HAHAHAHA LOL THEY MADE THE EPIC COUNTRY BANTERINO! UPVOTE! REDDIT GOLD FOR YOU FELLOW ROMANIAN XDXDXD BULGARIA ESTONIA LEBENON RUSSIA UKRAINE GERMANY SPECIAL FORCES HIPLER EPIC FOREIGN MONOLOGUE I CANT UNDERSTAND HAHA FUNNY BULGARIAN MUSIC LOL PRUSSIAN FLAG HEEHEE!!!!!
TWISTED FUCK...ummm... japan???? ummm.... no sweetie.... that's not fashwave epic europe banter polandball for this place... what's next? are you going to make a lame United States joke or a british joke? hm... that simply won't do my friend... you see, you may not have what it takes to be an epic memer like us! unfortunately, your application for reddit gold via this "joke" will have to be- DENIED!!! yes... I am very sorry (not!) that my reddit gold and upvote could not reach you today. Next time, try making a joke about serbia (much funny!) or uzbekistan (very wow!) as these are actually funny. Until then? I'm afraid I will have to refer you to... THE 9GAG PIT... Maybe here you will learn in your suffering what it takes to be a good memer of epic polandball banter euro fashwave doo doo poop jokes, hmm? i cant even with you at this very moment. japan? really? hm... you're lucky I don't ban you here and now, permanently! Until then, the Reddit Army shall be alerted of your identity, and will be vigilant in keeping you and your lame memes out until you will be allowed back in. The Narwhal Bacons at Midnight friends...
You Met a Rebel in SlumsI got a little to antsy talking about BEGOTTEN 3, JESUS FUCKING WEPT and broke my mirror. Its just a bit of retard insanity passed down from my TWISTED ancestors when i FUCKING SPIT MOUTH WASH over my carpet and proceed to punch a hole in my GOVERNMENT TITMOMMIES HOUSE cause i was thinking about CORPSING RETARDS on a GAY FUCKING GMOD SERVER. I brush my teeth and taste blood? GUESS IM A SICK FUCK NOW, HUH? I TAKE DICKS UP MY ASS FOR THE GLAZE , RETARDS!!!! JUICING TO THE MAX WITH CUM? I dont know anything about that. I only got the FOUR BEGOTTEN KEYS OF THE MAX CUM HOLY GRAIL cause im a FUCKING IDIOT okay? You dont have that cause you arent TWISTED you stupid fuck. Im shooting seedy spermy loads into your mouth from ACROSS THE STREET like a Boston Dynamics KILLER SEX MACHINE. Hows it feel you hardglaze motherfucker? BET YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY BEGOTTEN ON YOUR NINTENDO SOYWITCH. TOO BAD loser. YOURE NOT TWISTED ENOUUGB LIKE MY MONGOLIAN ANCESTORS. dumb BITCH. ALEXA CALL THIS GUY THE N WORD.
CIA FairyI live in- slum housing with a bunch of other undocumented vortigaunts because I don't have a CID or CID card or any Social Credit because that's how committed I am to not being a citizen. City 24 likes to like- have an ego right? And Xenians are the ultimate form of not having one. Somewhere between a Combine and a Vortigaunt. So it's like a- it's like a made up thing called a "Synthagaunt". I like to vorthum a lot but only during ERP and I just go 'Galunga' and like- 'Churr!' Good citizen. Fuck with us and then we tweakin hoe- tweakin hoe! Eli Vance gets released from prison, like, in three years. It's been seven fucking years dude! Like, we needed you. Keep Doctor Mossman in jail though for fucking snitching- bitch! "How old's your headcrab?" She's five months old. Shout out to my webuls for adopting her! And my gay vortifriend for staying in City 17. Cause he's gay.
In-Game Sex StatsOnly cia fairy god demon bitch hoes can be submissive and breedable. I perform ritual knocks on the sink faucet cause I know they send in nano microphones through the water to monitor me. I haven’t knocked the right code yet but I will. Once you find one and have a rape baby with the cia fairy god demon bitches the child can grow up to become a world leader. They’re trying to find a gay fg in Ontario (FUCK HIM) to do it because if they impart his LGTBQ+ fg sperm onto it it will allow the baby to be taken by moloch and made into the anti christ but I will beat them to the pussy and create a new Jesus
Coca Cola RivalryDiscussion Topic: In Game Sex Stats
Okay so theres this issue where citizens cp ota and all other characters are treated kinda the same both in combat and rp despite the fact of what theyre packing. honestly how can a cp perform as well as a citizen? or a vort for that matter? tgats why we need in game sex stats
the way it works is that youll have certain stats that effect both your rp and your combat. see citizens are a mixed bag of dicks. some are small and some are large, however we need to also take balance into account over other factions, so its safe to assume that most citizens have a larger cock. the fact that they are still citizens in this dystopia means that they are naturally more attractive as they tough it out, so they get a +10 to arousal/seduction/sex performance. this intimidates other factions so citizens also get a +5 to hit rolls in combat.
cp on the other hand are deceptive. while they may seem tougher, the steroids shrink their balls (LOL) and they kinda show their pussy side when they have to become CP to even survive. they still get a +5 to hit rolls because theyre intimidating sexually but they receive a -20 to seduction and arousal cause women can immediately see through their bullshit in a normal situation and become dryer than a desert
vorts are kind of a lost cause and got the short end of the stick. since they dont have cocks they take a -50 to seduction. The fact that they have two assholes means that they also naturally become more submissive towards others so they get a -20 to arousal resistance. However they get a +10 in combat because other factions wont be able to tell in the heat of the moment if vorts are packing, and vorts are strong as hell so the other factions get really sexually intimidated very easily. A great support unit to have in combat.
Thank you for listening. Please consider and leave feedback and criticism (no toxicity please)
OMG IS DAT DOCTAH PEPPAH?! OH EM GEE THE INFAMOUS PEDOPEPO DR PEPPAH?! OMG OMG DR PEPPER IN CHAT? IN MY ASS? XDXDXXD GUYS DR PEPPER. DRR PEPPEA IN HERE GUYS :OOOOO OMG DR PEPPAH
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