Arcane45
New member
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2024
- Messages
- 5
- Thread Author
- #1
Steam Name: Jet de pisse
SteamID: https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198160562272/
Name of the Admin you were banned by: Garet
How long is the ban for?: Permanent
The reason you were banned?: Cheating and toxic behavior
Why do you wish to be unbanned?:
Hello,
I am submitting this appeal at the request of Rad X, who asked me to address specific points directly and honestly. I will do my best to do exactly that.
I started playing HL2RP when I was 10. I am 21 now. Over those eleven years, I have had opportunities both in real life and in the virtual world that I squandered. I have been given chances that I did not take advantage of, or that I actively betrayed. For a long time, I was seen as an outcast: someone who could roleplay, but who was toxic because of cheating and behavior that hurt the people around him. And believe me, things in my personal life were not perfect either. I have had to be resilient in the face of quite a few challenges. I know I will never be able to erase what I did or undo the consequences it caused. But I am the one who decides what to do with the present. And I want to use it in a meaningful way.
Why did I cheat on an HL2RP server?
I have asked myself that question more times than I can count, because honestly, it is embarrassing. HL2RP is a writing game. The whole point is collaborative storytelling. There is nothing to gain from cheating in any conventional sense no ranking, no prize, no competitive edge that matters. And yet I did it.
The honest answer is that it came from ego and a pathological need to win that had nothing to do with the game itself. I was in a mindset where losing felt unbearable, where being outmaneuvered in a scene or a confrontation triggered something I could not manage properly. Instead of doing the harder and more rewarding thing writing better, adapting, learning from players who were more experienced than me I took the shortcut. Not because I thought it was acceptable. I knew it was not. I did it because in that moment, the need to feel like I was not losing overrode everything else, including my own integrity and the respect I owed to every person on that server who was there in good faith.
When I realized that the server did not revolve around me that other players had their own stories, their own momentum, their own spotlight something in me reacted badly. Out of pure selfishness, I started cheating. Not to win in any meaningful sense, but to disrupt. To tear down other people's enjoyment in order to satisfy an ego that could not handle not being at the center of things. That is the most honest way I can put it, and I am not proud of it. It was not impulsive in the way a single bad decision is. It was a deliberate choice to ruin something for others because I was not getting what I wanted out of it. That is worse, and I know it.
It was not a calculated decision. It was a failure of character, and it reflected a version of me that treated virtual spaces as consequence-free zones where my actions did not really matter. That was wrong. The community is real. The time people invest is real. The trust that was extended to me was real. And I burned it.
I want to state this clearly and on record: I never cheated on the main English server. The ban I am appealing is a consequence of what happened on Echo One, extended to the main as a policy decision which I understand and do not contest. But I did not cheat on the main. I connected once, played clean, and whatever was on the screen during that session was the only version of me the main server ever saw.
The history with Willard Echo-One is not simple, and I want to be honest about it rather than sanitize it.
I had been banned before Echo One in 2023. When I was given another chance on the Echo One server, people who had known me for a long time put their credibility behind that decision. I did not honor it. I came back with the same mentality I had before competitive, immature, more interested in winning than in contributing and I cheated again. I betrayed people who had gone out of their way to give me an opportunity I had not earned back.
What followed was worse. I made a duplicate account and connected to the server without addressing any of what had happened, without apologizing, without having the conversations I owed people. My reasoning was that I just wanted to play to find what I had genuinely loved about my two months on Willard before everything collapsed. And I did love it. Those two months were probably the most invested I have ever been in HL2RP. I was writing seriously, building characters, engaging with other players' stories, developing a way of thinking about the universe that changed how I approached the whole genre. I missed that, and I went back to it the wrong way through a back door instead of through an honest conversation.
I understand why that made everything worse. Coming back like that, without having repaired anything first, was not a gesture of good faith. It was avoidance dressed up as initiative. I have since understood that when I try to fix something the wrong way, I make it worse. That is a pattern I had to recognize in myself and stop.
The silence that followed the second ban was not humility. It was cowardice. I owed people an apology that I kept delaying, and it took me too long to understand that silence is not a neutral position it is a choice, and it was the wrong one. I eventually came to a point where I accepted the ban, stopped looking for workarounds, and genuinely reflected on what I had done and who I had been. I started working on something constructive scenario writing, animation work as a way of contributing without demanding anything in return. That led to this appeal being suggested to me as a possibility.
Why have I changed?
Because I am no longer someone who treats virtual spaces as consequence-free. Because I have had enough real challenges in my life over the past year to understand what it actually means to lose something that mattered, and to understand that how you respond to loss defines you more than the loss itself. Because I watched the two months I had on Willard a great HL2RP I have ever done collapse because I could not manage my own ego, and I do not want that to be the last thing I contributed to this community.
I am asking for the chance to be considered, under whatever conditions the staff believes are appropriate. If the answer is no, I understand it, I accept it, and I will make peace with it. If the answer is yes, I will not waste it. I am sorry. To the people I betrayed, to the staff who spent their time on this, and to the players whose experience I damaged. I should have said that a long time ago.
Do you have any picture or video evidence to support your reason?: A 62 pages of scenario that I would like to create for the Willard Short Stories, improving the post seven hours war lore : SCENARIO | FIRST WATCH | SESSION 1 |
And list of my documents :
- Internal Affairs of the Civil Protection
- LORE APPENDIX: DIRECTIVE 66
- APPENDIX: PLACES OF INTEREST AND DEVELOPABLE SITES
- ORIGINS OF THE CIVIL PROTECTION - EVENT(Design note & event storyboard)
There is something I want to add that I think explains a part of who I am, beyond the mistakes. I have always been something of an outsider someone who comes in with ideas that not everyone immediately understands or welcomes, and who has had to find ways to demonstrate value through work rather than through reputation. When something captures my attention, I do not engage with it casually. I become consumed by it. I feel a need to write, to build, to produce something that contributes.
That is what drove me to write the scenarios, the Civil Protection origin documents, the lore analyses none of that was asked of me. I did it because I genuinely could not help it, and because somewhere in it I wanted to show that I was not just someone with a bad history.
That I had something to offer. That the investment was real, even when the behavior around it had not always been. I am aware that work does not erase conduct. But I want the staff to know that when I put something together for this community, it comes from a place that has nothing to do with ego or strategy. It comes from the same thing that made me fall in love with HL2RP at ten years old a need to create something, and a hope that it means something to someone else.
And why do I feel I fit the English community specifically. The honest answer is that the English HL2RP community operates with a level of openness and communication that I have not always found elsewhere. People discuss lore, challenge ideas, build on each other's work. There is a culture of exchange that I respond to genuinely, not as a tactic but because it is how I naturally engage when I am at my best. I have ideas, I write, I want to contribute to something larger than a single character or a single scene. The English community is the environment where I believe I can do that properly, and where I want to show the best version of what I am capable of. Not to redeem an image, but because it is where the work I want to do makes the most sense.
Schlieffen
Were there any witnesses who can help in this appeal?: Lord Rad-X and Aspect
SteamID: https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198160562272/
Name of the Admin you were banned by: Garet
How long is the ban for?: Permanent
The reason you were banned?: Cheating and toxic behavior
Why do you wish to be unbanned?:
Hello,
I am submitting this appeal at the request of Rad X, who asked me to address specific points directly and honestly. I will do my best to do exactly that.
I started playing HL2RP when I was 10. I am 21 now. Over those eleven years, I have had opportunities both in real life and in the virtual world that I squandered. I have been given chances that I did not take advantage of, or that I actively betrayed. For a long time, I was seen as an outcast: someone who could roleplay, but who was toxic because of cheating and behavior that hurt the people around him. And believe me, things in my personal life were not perfect either. I have had to be resilient in the face of quite a few challenges. I know I will never be able to erase what I did or undo the consequences it caused. But I am the one who decides what to do with the present. And I want to use it in a meaningful way.
Why did I cheat on an HL2RP server?
I have asked myself that question more times than I can count, because honestly, it is embarrassing. HL2RP is a writing game. The whole point is collaborative storytelling. There is nothing to gain from cheating in any conventional sense no ranking, no prize, no competitive edge that matters. And yet I did it.
The honest answer is that it came from ego and a pathological need to win that had nothing to do with the game itself. I was in a mindset where losing felt unbearable, where being outmaneuvered in a scene or a confrontation triggered something I could not manage properly. Instead of doing the harder and more rewarding thing writing better, adapting, learning from players who were more experienced than me I took the shortcut. Not because I thought it was acceptable. I knew it was not. I did it because in that moment, the need to feel like I was not losing overrode everything else, including my own integrity and the respect I owed to every person on that server who was there in good faith.
When I realized that the server did not revolve around me that other players had their own stories, their own momentum, their own spotlight something in me reacted badly. Out of pure selfishness, I started cheating. Not to win in any meaningful sense, but to disrupt. To tear down other people's enjoyment in order to satisfy an ego that could not handle not being at the center of things. That is the most honest way I can put it, and I am not proud of it. It was not impulsive in the way a single bad decision is. It was a deliberate choice to ruin something for others because I was not getting what I wanted out of it. That is worse, and I know it.
It was not a calculated decision. It was a failure of character, and it reflected a version of me that treated virtual spaces as consequence-free zones where my actions did not really matter. That was wrong. The community is real. The time people invest is real. The trust that was extended to me was real. And I burned it.
I want to state this clearly and on record: I never cheated on the main English server. The ban I am appealing is a consequence of what happened on Echo One, extended to the main as a policy decision which I understand and do not contest. But I did not cheat on the main. I connected once, played clean, and whatever was on the screen during that session was the only version of me the main server ever saw.
The history with Willard Echo-One is not simple, and I want to be honest about it rather than sanitize it.
I had been banned before Echo One in 2023. When I was given another chance on the Echo One server, people who had known me for a long time put their credibility behind that decision. I did not honor it. I came back with the same mentality I had before competitive, immature, more interested in winning than in contributing and I cheated again. I betrayed people who had gone out of their way to give me an opportunity I had not earned back.
What followed was worse. I made a duplicate account and connected to the server without addressing any of what had happened, without apologizing, without having the conversations I owed people. My reasoning was that I just wanted to play to find what I had genuinely loved about my two months on Willard before everything collapsed. And I did love it. Those two months were probably the most invested I have ever been in HL2RP. I was writing seriously, building characters, engaging with other players' stories, developing a way of thinking about the universe that changed how I approached the whole genre. I missed that, and I went back to it the wrong way through a back door instead of through an honest conversation.
I understand why that made everything worse. Coming back like that, without having repaired anything first, was not a gesture of good faith. It was avoidance dressed up as initiative. I have since understood that when I try to fix something the wrong way, I make it worse. That is a pattern I had to recognize in myself and stop.
The silence that followed the second ban was not humility. It was cowardice. I owed people an apology that I kept delaying, and it took me too long to understand that silence is not a neutral position it is a choice, and it was the wrong one. I eventually came to a point where I accepted the ban, stopped looking for workarounds, and genuinely reflected on what I had done and who I had been. I started working on something constructive scenario writing, animation work as a way of contributing without demanding anything in return. That led to this appeal being suggested to me as a possibility.
Why have I changed?
Because I am no longer someone who treats virtual spaces as consequence-free. Because I have had enough real challenges in my life over the past year to understand what it actually means to lose something that mattered, and to understand that how you respond to loss defines you more than the loss itself. Because I watched the two months I had on Willard a great HL2RP I have ever done collapse because I could not manage my own ego, and I do not want that to be the last thing I contributed to this community.
I am asking for the chance to be considered, under whatever conditions the staff believes are appropriate. If the answer is no, I understand it, I accept it, and I will make peace with it. If the answer is yes, I will not waste it. I am sorry. To the people I betrayed, to the staff who spent their time on this, and to the players whose experience I damaged. I should have said that a long time ago.
Do you have any picture or video evidence to support your reason?: A 62 pages of scenario that I would like to create for the Willard Short Stories, improving the post seven hours war lore : SCENARIO | FIRST WATCH | SESSION 1 |
And list of my documents :
- Internal Affairs of the Civil Protection
- LORE APPENDIX: DIRECTIVE 66
- APPENDIX: PLACES OF INTEREST AND DEVELOPABLE SITES
- ORIGINS OF THE CIVIL PROTECTION - EVENT(Design note & event storyboard)
There is something I want to add that I think explains a part of who I am, beyond the mistakes. I have always been something of an outsider someone who comes in with ideas that not everyone immediately understands or welcomes, and who has had to find ways to demonstrate value through work rather than through reputation. When something captures my attention, I do not engage with it casually. I become consumed by it. I feel a need to write, to build, to produce something that contributes.
That is what drove me to write the scenarios, the Civil Protection origin documents, the lore analyses none of that was asked of me. I did it because I genuinely could not help it, and because somewhere in it I wanted to show that I was not just someone with a bad history.
That I had something to offer. That the investment was real, even when the behavior around it had not always been. I am aware that work does not erase conduct. But I want the staff to know that when I put something together for this community, it comes from a place that has nothing to do with ego or strategy. It comes from the same thing that made me fall in love with HL2RP at ten years old a need to create something, and a hope that it means something to someone else.
And why do I feel I fit the English community specifically. The honest answer is that the English HL2RP community operates with a level of openness and communication that I have not always found elsewhere. People discuss lore, challenge ideas, build on each other's work. There is a culture of exchange that I respond to genuinely, not as a tactic but because it is how I naturally engage when I am at my best. I have ideas, I write, I want to contribute to something larger than a single character or a single scene. The English community is the environment where I believe I can do that properly, and where I want to show the best version of what I am capable of. Not to redeem an image, but because it is where the work I want to do makes the most sense.
Schlieffen
Were there any witnesses who can help in this appeal?: Lord Rad-X and Aspect
