melodicwaste
Active member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2025
- Messages
- 195
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- #1
louis-micheal
crumpled inside of 240s locker
crumpled inside of 240s locker
You sultry, caring in your words, and actions for me, I've seen a softness I've never felt with any other jackboot, and it disgusts me. It disgusts me how I feel about you, it disgusts me to know your first and last, and it disgusts me that I can talk to you so calmly; I know that if I was any-other citizen, you would've cracked my skull open for the slightest mutter in-violation of some rudimentary lawbook haphazardly written twenty-odd-years ago. And yet, when I first saw your pale face draw down on my mine akin to a deer in head-lights, when I saw the bags underneath your eyes and the tender skin bruised into a discoloured purple on the side of your face, and when I saw your goatee awkwardly cut-off as if struck by a razor at it's sides; I thought to myself how I could stomach being next to you. The idea presents itself in my mind that if I say the wrong word, or tell you about the wrong book, it'll cost me my life. I hate not being able to trust you, and when I see you crack jokes with me casually, and take interest in what I do. I see you peering down at what I'm reading, or asking what I'm doing, it propels me evermore to talk to you. And yet, you repel me, and repel me again. You spoke with soft words, yet your eyes tell everything I need to know; your open-disgust laid strewn throughout your sentences embarrassed me. I never should've confessed to you, I knew it halfway through the first words that what I was doing was wrong, and that it was over from the moment it parted from my lips. The confused expression on your face morphing into one of a scornful glare, grossed out by me even peering your way, and I knew from that moment it would never be the same. It would never be the same with us, and it hurts me so badly, and so greatly, and I cannot bare to look at your fatigues again. You were the first person I talked to, that cared for my well-being, and I know it's still there in your heart to love me, like I do for you. I cannot bare to think of you without regret, and even now as I recite this in my head, I feel an ever-lasting sadness. I don't know what to feel anymore. A mix of disgust, and fear churn in my stomach as I think of what you'll say to me when you see me next. And yet, my heart still races for you, and I remember the times we had fondly together; and I struggle to find the courage to say... I love you, Louis, I'm sorry. |
@Nezoose
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